|
eleventh, nov i've never experienced a crush before. i drink and smoke during the day to distract myself from this digusting gnawing. i've been going to bed at 8 so i don't have to think about it anymore. i called you a few days after we spent the night talking in between songs at the do make say think show. i was thinking: you leaned in for a hug when we said goodbye; you crossed your legs like i could beat you up. ok, i laid it all out on your voicemail, a long pathetic monologue...something like, "i'm going to be honest with you. i like you. i want to see you again. i hate wondering whether or not you feel the same way." yeah, you haven't called back. i'm so confused: i seriously thought i charmed the shit out of you. you asked for my number, you fucker! you smiled at me first! i'm ten times cuter than you! i never asked for any of this! my friend says i should stop telling myself that something tragic happened to you, right after i called, like your dog died on you or something. and you're just too torn apart to get back to me, even if only to tell me that you detest me...too goddamned sad to give me the satisfaction of ever knowing for sure, so i could start walking away with certainty. or maybe you're just scared, you pussy, because you've realized that you can't live without me...oh god, here i go. lashing the cut all over again...i should call you again...ha ha. |