|
nineteenth, mar going crazy of lately! or waking periodically from the dream. i can't tell. these oscillations i'm riding in waves make me seasick: i've always been a land-lover. no matter. sometimes i think i almost feel the beauty of life, her soft skin one moment, and the next i'm compacted trash: disgusted and disgusting. people don't know what to make of this; my mind changes colors so fast often i get speed-wobbles. i hear the click-clack! of heels on the cement out the window and almost trick myself into thinking they're yours! but usually that trick works...not lately though, no. i'm addicted to valium because i work with someone who is addicted to valium. it softens the worrisome in me, it paints a pleasance all over the grotesque faces. my insides blossom for all to pick...giving quarters to the bum that routinely harangues me. i told him if he didn't stop god-blessing me, i wouldn't give him any change. ha ha, i am such a dick. one can predict if one is a dick, did you know, cause all one can do is laugh about it. what's his name? i remember him by his song and dance routine about doing methamphetamine. he told me a joke and i didn't laugh. "man you got no sense of humor." as he walked out the door that made me laugh. why the fuck am i so afraid of becoming addicted to chapstick? every time i apply a coat, i get all guilted-out, thinking "your lips will never be soft of their own accord after this." no, i will be in this small place where i'm not thinking within a big place of worrying. i can't sit through a movie anymore! all i'm thinking is GO! GO! GO! all the other things i could be doing! i wish movies were much shorter - five, ten minutes at the maximum. i would appreciate how many movies i could watch all the way through then. it's a creepy feeling when your pubes are longer than the hair on your head. have you ever experienced this? i need to do something about this, just like something needs to be done about those bald-on-purpose guys having long beards. it's really fucked up. i'm in love with things. i'm like a raven collecting shiny objects for a charm bracelet. i love my electric clippers: i'm totally beating the ass of the hair-cutting hierarchy. i would marry them, my electric clippers, if i could. MAKE MARRIAGE TO INANIMATE OBJECTS LEGAL! i shout justified! god, i've had all this cut hair on my body for-ev-er! i'm too distracted to take a shower and in a way, it's nice to know what life is like as a person with back hair, and then when i'm tired of that person's life, i can just wash it all off, down the drain. |